This is kind of new for me, but I really felt that I had to write about Josh Groban's Illuminations and what I really thought of it. I wouldn't call this a review, but just what I feel about the album itself. Jus to let you know, I bought the deluxe version with the extra bonus track (need to know that for later :-P).
Right off the bat, I'd like to say that I like the album a lot. It's something that Josh has never ventured into before, or at least the stuff that I have of his doesn't sound like the album.
Judging on just the music and not lyrics, Illuminations is not something to listen to if you are, say, a special ed teacher who has to drive 65 miles to work and you got out of bed an hour earlier and are still tired and it's so early it's still dark out. For me, the sound is very mellow (for most of the songs on the album, there are a few exceptions), and not something to get you going. On the other hand, if you are in the mood for something soothing and quiet, the music is great, and easy to listen to. It's definitely something that I would put on if I was just hanging out or if I needed background music. Oh, and by the way, I am NOT saying that the album is bad because I may use it as background music. That's a good thing! It means that I can put it on, and not have to worry about changing the song to another because I don't want to listen to the next plethora of music choices.
The lyrics of the songs are 100% fantastic; completely pulls you in. Even if I can't translate the language (Italian, Portuguese...I know the French song...), I can tell by the emotion in Josh's voice what the song conveys. If I had only one question to ask Josh Groban about this album, I would ask if he wrote the lyrics before the music was written because, seriously, the whole album's lyrics are really poetic and beautiful.
Now, if you don't want to get the whole album, that's fine. These are the ones that I feel work the best for me:
The Wandering Kind-- It's the first song and an instrumental, but it's a good song to kind of get you focused and in a certain mindset (for the album most likely).
Higher Window--Just beautiful. Period.
Voce Existe Em Mim-- The music is amazing on this track--the drums just make you want to get up and do something; doesn't matter what, but you just want to get up. Very powerful.
War At Home-- Heartbreaking, but completely true.
Straight To You-- I don't know what to say; the song just spoke to me.
Feels Like Home-- Now this song speaks to me the most. This is the bonus track that came with the deluxe version.
Thanks for listening! I know this is new, but I figured I would put it out there.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Update of the Teacher You All Know and Love!
Oh. My. Goodness. I haven't been updating and it's killing me because I missed all of my readers! Hello; it's nice to see you. :-) Anyway, I've been okay; trudging along through school and the Village, and everything in between. I'm thinking this blog will be more of a reflection, than anything about what I'm doing (things pretty much haven't changed).
School is settling down a bit; my student is doing great, and I'm getting a lot more done now that he is (planning and such). Life in Cornish, NH is chilly and sometimes wet, but it seems like it's the best fit for me in my life right now. Honestly, it's the perfect first job; it's something that is preparing me for when I have my own classroom. Looking back, if I did have my own classroom right off it would have been a bigger struggle than what I'm doing now; but I could have done it. At the same time, though, I'm kind of glad that I don't just yet because I'm looking at this year as another year of preparation for that classroom. It's hard for me to admit, but I thought I was ready for it; I thought I was ready and prepared. The reality is I wasn't ready, and it's not that SJC didn't prepare me well enough, but it was the fact that I wasn't emotionally or mentally ready for twenty-five screaming kids who all need individual attention.
At the end of the day, I truly and honestly feel drained, but it was worse in the beginning of the year. I'm drained of patience, time, and energy. Please don't take this as me complaining; I'm not. I love what I'm doing and I wouldn't change anything going on right now. I'm just saying that doing what I love takes a lot out of me. That's the big drawback of teaching because it really does suck the life out of you. I knew that going into teaching, but it doesn't change the fact that I am tired and a bit annoyed at the end of the day.
The Village is a good break from using every ounce of patience that I have. I know normally I'm not a patient person with the people closest to me (Sorry, Mom), but when I'm helping customers, it's natural for me to be patient with them; it's completely different from what I do at school. Imagination Village is a breath of fresh air. The people I work with are great; they really are (I'm truly not trying to butter up my boss who might be reading! :-p ). Plus, I get to help out parents and other teachers find things that will help their children/students grow to be better than they were before, whether it be just a toy to play with or a poster to help students stay focused.
Singing helps me too. Yes, yes, I sing all the time, but it's what I do as a stress reliever. When I sing (it doesn't really matter if I have a good voice or not), it's as if all the bottled up emotions just got uncorked (is that a word? I think so...) and they're flowing out so I don't have all that extra "stuff". I think what happens when I sing is that I have a certain feeling of greatness; it's the one thing that I can do really, really well. Singing is my link to God, and it feels like singing is the only truly and completely constant thing in my life; it never changes.
What's really bugging me, actually, is the fact that I didn't think my life after college would be like this; it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to talk to my friends on a regular basis, or that I would have to schedule a block of time to eat dinner with my parents; it's kind of nuts, I have to say.
I just hope that this part of my life doesn't go by too quickly.
School is settling down a bit; my student is doing great, and I'm getting a lot more done now that he is (planning and such). Life in Cornish, NH is chilly and sometimes wet, but it seems like it's the best fit for me in my life right now. Honestly, it's the perfect first job; it's something that is preparing me for when I have my own classroom. Looking back, if I did have my own classroom right off it would have been a bigger struggle than what I'm doing now; but I could have done it. At the same time, though, I'm kind of glad that I don't just yet because I'm looking at this year as another year of preparation for that classroom. It's hard for me to admit, but I thought I was ready for it; I thought I was ready and prepared. The reality is I wasn't ready, and it's not that SJC didn't prepare me well enough, but it was the fact that I wasn't emotionally or mentally ready for twenty-five screaming kids who all need individual attention.
At the end of the day, I truly and honestly feel drained, but it was worse in the beginning of the year. I'm drained of patience, time, and energy. Please don't take this as me complaining; I'm not. I love what I'm doing and I wouldn't change anything going on right now. I'm just saying that doing what I love takes a lot out of me. That's the big drawback of teaching because it really does suck the life out of you. I knew that going into teaching, but it doesn't change the fact that I am tired and a bit annoyed at the end of the day.
The Village is a good break from using every ounce of patience that I have. I know normally I'm not a patient person with the people closest to me (Sorry, Mom), but when I'm helping customers, it's natural for me to be patient with them; it's completely different from what I do at school. Imagination Village is a breath of fresh air. The people I work with are great; they really are (I'm truly not trying to butter up my boss who might be reading! :-p ). Plus, I get to help out parents and other teachers find things that will help their children/students grow to be better than they were before, whether it be just a toy to play with or a poster to help students stay focused.
Singing helps me too. Yes, yes, I sing all the time, but it's what I do as a stress reliever. When I sing (it doesn't really matter if I have a good voice or not), it's as if all the bottled up emotions just got uncorked (is that a word? I think so...) and they're flowing out so I don't have all that extra "stuff". I think what happens when I sing is that I have a certain feeling of greatness; it's the one thing that I can do really, really well. Singing is my link to God, and it feels like singing is the only truly and completely constant thing in my life; it never changes.
What's really bugging me, actually, is the fact that I didn't think my life after college would be like this; it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to talk to my friends on a regular basis, or that I would have to schedule a block of time to eat dinner with my parents; it's kind of nuts, I have to say.
I just hope that this part of my life doesn't go by too quickly.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Settling In
Hey everyone! Hope everything's good with you.
Right now I'm just settling into my new life. It's wicked busy, actually. What's keeping me busy? I've got two jobs (yes, TWO jobs, which I thank God for constantly) that keeps me working about 6-7 hours six days a week, and then I'm teaching religious education (1st grade)on Sundays, so really, I'm working seven days a week.
So yeah, I am busy. I think being busy is a good thing for me, though. It keeps me focused on things that matter. When I have nothing to do, I literally just sit in front of the TV or the computer (thank you, twenty first century), which is a) not productive and b) unhealthy.
It's hard to have time for anything else but work and rest (meaning sleep and down time). I'm hoping things will get better, and a lot easier to handle, but I think I'm doing okay so far; as long as I don't add anything else to my already stuffed schedule, I think I'll be good.
Right now I'm just settling into my new life. It's wicked busy, actually. What's keeping me busy? I've got two jobs (yes, TWO jobs, which I thank God for constantly) that keeps me working about 6-7 hours six days a week, and then I'm teaching religious education (1st grade)on Sundays, so really, I'm working seven days a week.
So yeah, I am busy. I think being busy is a good thing for me, though. It keeps me focused on things that matter. When I have nothing to do, I literally just sit in front of the TV or the computer (thank you, twenty first century), which is a) not productive and b) unhealthy.
It's hard to have time for anything else but work and rest (meaning sleep and down time). I'm hoping things will get better, and a lot easier to handle, but I think I'm doing okay so far; as long as I don't add anything else to my already stuffed schedule, I think I'll be good.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Did I just grow up????
*Sighs* Okay. So quite a bit just happened in a matter of less than a week; so much that I'm still trying to process. Let's start from my last entry shall we?
So I went out to Indiana for that break that I needed, and boy did I need that month-long break. Honestly, it was one of the best and (partly) worst trips I've had.
It was the best because I was with Jake most nights and I learned a lot about his daily routine. I would be home when Jake got home, and I could cook for him and his family (proving to myself and the people around me that I was an amazing cook). I got to hang out with one of his best friends, Joe, and I could give his brother some great college advice (I still miss college, trust me). Jake and I spent some good, quality time with each other, and it gave us (or just me, I don't know about him) some insight on how life would be like if we lived with each other. It felt great.
It was the worst because when Jake and Joe were at work (his brother just did his own thing during the day), I was left alone to face why I left New Hampshire in the first place. At first, being alone was fine, but after I got bored, there was nothing else to do but to face the emotional issues I was going through.
The truth is, I don't like transition periods in my life; middle school was Hell (literally), the first two years of college was crazy (getting used to college/grandmother getting sick and passing), and after I graduated, I didn't know what to do with myself. I literally just sat around trying to get my head around the fact that I couldn't formally go back to school anymore.
Have you ever thought of that? All of us college graduates have been in school since kindergarten, which means AT LEAST 17 out of 22 years of our lives. When it comes down to it, that's about 153 months (assuming you spent 9 months a year), six hours a day in a school, learning to read, write, add, and subtract. Imagine (well, you don't have to imagine if you went through it) that you didn't have grades anymore, and if you didn't do a great job or work your butt off for one simple thing, you can't take that back. That's a really heavy weight to carry. If I screw up this job (come on, you came to this blog from Facebook. You know I have a job now.) there's no redo; I get a warning and then I get let go if I don't do a good job. That's a HUGE responsibility.
I hate change; no, more than that. I loathe, detest, and every other synonym that means "hate" change. It absolutely stinks. This summer I really had to deal with that; and deal with rejection. BIG rejection.
So all of this is going on in my head as I'm sleeping, getting bored watching TV, not wanting to leave the central air; AND I'm PMSing on top of that. What did I do?
I cried like a baby; almost every time I was alone.
Fast forward a bit: Let's just say a bit of retail therapy funded my most amazing, wonderful boyfriend, and some church did me good. I got over it. A little.
Something that I took away from the trip was that I wasn't trusting in God, or I wasn't trusting enough; I would pray for a job or a way to pay my bills, but I wouldn't believe that He would deliver that job or way to pay bills when I needed it. When I got back (and I swear, this is all true), I did the same thing until I relaxed a little bit (knowing that I could substitute at Merrimack Valley). All the while, I tried SO hard to trust in God. Once I relaxed, that trusting worked. I started to feel better, knowing that I was somewhat covered (although I knew that substituting wouldn't be enough). Then, the day my mother went up to her "start of the year" workshop, something I hadn't expected happened.
There was a paraprofessional position that opened up unexpectedly; and that she mentioned me to her principal. At first I was thinking that it's kind of weird that my MOTHER got me a job at her school, but her/our principal looked at my portfolio and was really impressed with it. I mean, REALLY impressed. She gave me a choice of two jobs, and I took what I thought would be a good fit for me to start out.
Now those of you who are not familiar with teacher confidentiality, it's basically common sense; you wouldn't want everyone to know that your child has a behavior problem and throws chairs at teachers, right? It's no one's business but the people involved in your child's learning and you. That's the same for what I do. I can't tell you much, but I can tell you that I will be doing LOTS of lesson planning/teaching, and for that I'm wicked excited.
Now for the REALLY unexpected news. The day after I knew I had the job in Cornish, I applied for a weekend position at Imagination Village in Concord. I interviewed, and she absolutely loved me!!! I start training this weekend. I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world, and I'm giving God many thanks for both of the jobs. Even though I'm celebrating on the inside, SO many people are unemployed, and a bunch of those are teachers, and I actually feel guilty for celebrating too much. I do want to say that God got me through all of it, and even if you don't believe me, at least I can admit that to myself. There's no way I could have done this alone.
So wait a minute; did I just grow up? What if I don't want to? What if I just pretend that I grew up? Yeah. That sounds better.
So I went out to Indiana for that break that I needed, and boy did I need that month-long break. Honestly, it was one of the best and (partly) worst trips I've had.
It was the best because I was with Jake most nights and I learned a lot about his daily routine. I would be home when Jake got home, and I could cook for him and his family (proving to myself and the people around me that I was an amazing cook). I got to hang out with one of his best friends, Joe, and I could give his brother some great college advice (I still miss college, trust me). Jake and I spent some good, quality time with each other, and it gave us (or just me, I don't know about him) some insight on how life would be like if we lived with each other. It felt great.
It was the worst because when Jake and Joe were at work (his brother just did his own thing during the day), I was left alone to face why I left New Hampshire in the first place. At first, being alone was fine, but after I got bored, there was nothing else to do but to face the emotional issues I was going through.
The truth is, I don't like transition periods in my life; middle school was Hell (literally), the first two years of college was crazy (getting used to college/grandmother getting sick and passing), and after I graduated, I didn't know what to do with myself. I literally just sat around trying to get my head around the fact that I couldn't formally go back to school anymore.
Have you ever thought of that? All of us college graduates have been in school since kindergarten, which means AT LEAST 17 out of 22 years of our lives. When it comes down to it, that's about 153 months (assuming you spent 9 months a year), six hours a day in a school, learning to read, write, add, and subtract. Imagine (well, you don't have to imagine if you went through it) that you didn't have grades anymore, and if you didn't do a great job or work your butt off for one simple thing, you can't take that back. That's a really heavy weight to carry. If I screw up this job (come on, you came to this blog from Facebook. You know I have a job now.) there's no redo; I get a warning and then I get let go if I don't do a good job. That's a HUGE responsibility.
I hate change; no, more than that. I loathe, detest, and every other synonym that means "hate" change. It absolutely stinks. This summer I really had to deal with that; and deal with rejection. BIG rejection.
So all of this is going on in my head as I'm sleeping, getting bored watching TV, not wanting to leave the central air; AND I'm PMSing on top of that. What did I do?
I cried like a baby; almost every time I was alone.
Fast forward a bit: Let's just say a bit of retail therapy funded my most amazing, wonderful boyfriend, and some church did me good. I got over it. A little.
Something that I took away from the trip was that I wasn't trusting in God, or I wasn't trusting enough; I would pray for a job or a way to pay my bills, but I wouldn't believe that He would deliver that job or way to pay bills when I needed it. When I got back (and I swear, this is all true), I did the same thing until I relaxed a little bit (knowing that I could substitute at Merrimack Valley). All the while, I tried SO hard to trust in God. Once I relaxed, that trusting worked. I started to feel better, knowing that I was somewhat covered (although I knew that substituting wouldn't be enough). Then, the day my mother went up to her "start of the year" workshop, something I hadn't expected happened.
There was a paraprofessional position that opened up unexpectedly; and that she mentioned me to her principal. At first I was thinking that it's kind of weird that my MOTHER got me a job at her school, but her/our principal looked at my portfolio and was really impressed with it. I mean, REALLY impressed. She gave me a choice of two jobs, and I took what I thought would be a good fit for me to start out.
Now those of you who are not familiar with teacher confidentiality, it's basically common sense; you wouldn't want everyone to know that your child has a behavior problem and throws chairs at teachers, right? It's no one's business but the people involved in your child's learning and you. That's the same for what I do. I can't tell you much, but I can tell you that I will be doing LOTS of lesson planning/teaching, and for that I'm wicked excited.
Now for the REALLY unexpected news. The day after I knew I had the job in Cornish, I applied for a weekend position at Imagination Village in Concord. I interviewed, and she absolutely loved me!!! I start training this weekend. I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world, and I'm giving God many thanks for both of the jobs. Even though I'm celebrating on the inside, SO many people are unemployed, and a bunch of those are teachers, and I actually feel guilty for celebrating too much. I do want to say that God got me through all of it, and even if you don't believe me, at least I can admit that to myself. There's no way I could have done this alone.
So wait a minute; did I just grow up? What if I don't want to? What if I just pretend that I grew up? Yeah. That sounds better.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
What's Going On?
So I'm getting ready to go back to Indiana on the Fourth of July (Don't worry, I'm watching the Boston fireworks on TV so I wont miss fireworks on the east coast!!), and this time I'm going down for a different reason. Apparently people are taking the fact that I mentioned on facebook that I was officially going to Indiana on the Fourth as I was completely totally and utterly moving there for the rest of my life. This is NOT happening...at least not yet. I'll tell you about that later, but first, a little history.
When I got back to New Hampshire, things weren't so great in the house; nothing my parents were doing, but there were/still are issues with my grandmother's house selling and figuring out how to move her furniture, who was taking what, where the things that no one wanted were going, drama that didn't need to be there, stuff that people usually have to deal with after someone dies. Things were really tense, and I felt like I didn't get a lot of information; none of my family got a lot of information at the time.
With the tension of that, I would get home and be surrounded by the fact that we live in close quarters and there's not a lot of places where I can get away for a while. On top of that, I was/am getting really annoyed with myself, and getting scared; things like that. Then on top of that, I was missing Jake, wasn't getting anywhere with Indiana, getting impatient, no money...it was/is all piling up.
The reason I'm going down to Indiana is that I need a break; a complete total and utter break from everyone. This isn't because everyone's annoying me and I just want to avoid them.
Some things happened that I knew could happen, but thinking that if I dwelt on them that they wouldn't happen, or at least God wouldn't let them happen...but they did happen. What things? Didn't get any jobs and they denied my certification (JUST because they require a DIFFERENT PRAXIS II test...the only reason).
When I found out that they denied my certification, honestly, I wanted to get SOOOO drunk, but I knew that was a bad thing to do, and I had a huge panic attack. I hid it from everyone because I was ashamed and felt I wasn't good enough. I REALLY felt I wasn't good enough. So what did I do? After I cried for a while, I took a Xanax, and was pretty much gone when Jake called.
Jake basically called me out. He was like, "I'm only going to give you a pity party for about 15 minutes" and got me basically calmed down and told me that he'd be willing to fly me out there on July 4th. Later on when I knew I was going, he told me that the reason he wanted me out there was because he knew that I needed a mental health break from everything going on.
This is why I'm going to Indiana. It doesn't mean I'm staying in New Hampshire or anything, but it does mean that staying is becoming a huge possibility. My life is in flux right now and I don't know where to go or what I'm doing. It's up in the air.
I am asking for some time, though; some time to be on my own with Jake and his family and some time alone too so I can get my life back together. It's just what I need now, and I promise that I'll be on facebook through the next weeks, but I really need to be alone and be with God for a while.
Thanks everyone for listening and I promise this isn't forever!
When I got back to New Hampshire, things weren't so great in the house; nothing my parents were doing, but there were/still are issues with my grandmother's house selling and figuring out how to move her furniture, who was taking what, where the things that no one wanted were going, drama that didn't need to be there, stuff that people usually have to deal with after someone dies. Things were really tense, and I felt like I didn't get a lot of information; none of my family got a lot of information at the time.
With the tension of that, I would get home and be surrounded by the fact that we live in close quarters and there's not a lot of places where I can get away for a while. On top of that, I was/am getting really annoyed with myself, and getting scared; things like that. Then on top of that, I was missing Jake, wasn't getting anywhere with Indiana, getting impatient, no money...it was/is all piling up.
The reason I'm going down to Indiana is that I need a break; a complete total and utter break from everyone. This isn't because everyone's annoying me and I just want to avoid them.
Some things happened that I knew could happen, but thinking that if I dwelt on them that they wouldn't happen, or at least God wouldn't let them happen...but they did happen. What things? Didn't get any jobs and they denied my certification (JUST because they require a DIFFERENT PRAXIS II test...the only reason).
When I found out that they denied my certification, honestly, I wanted to get SOOOO drunk, but I knew that was a bad thing to do, and I had a huge panic attack. I hid it from everyone because I was ashamed and felt I wasn't good enough. I REALLY felt I wasn't good enough. So what did I do? After I cried for a while, I took a Xanax, and was pretty much gone when Jake called.
Jake basically called me out. He was like, "I'm only going to give you a pity party for about 15 minutes" and got me basically calmed down and told me that he'd be willing to fly me out there on July 4th. Later on when I knew I was going, he told me that the reason he wanted me out there was because he knew that I needed a mental health break from everything going on.
This is why I'm going to Indiana. It doesn't mean I'm staying in New Hampshire or anything, but it does mean that staying is becoming a huge possibility. My life is in flux right now and I don't know where to go or what I'm doing. It's up in the air.
I am asking for some time, though; some time to be on my own with Jake and his family and some time alone too so I can get my life back together. It's just what I need now, and I promise that I'll be on facebook through the next weeks, but I really need to be alone and be with God for a while.
Thanks everyone for listening and I promise this isn't forever!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Okay, here we go...
All right, so I was going to do a blog entry before this point, like when I graduated from college, but I wanted to wait until I got a job. Well, that hasn't happened yet, but I've done all I can do to get a job in Indiana, and this is my last day (for now) before I go back to New Hampshire.
Throughout the whole trip, I've been applying, copying, and preparing for interviews and getting nowhere. Even though there are more jobs I could apply for down here, it's still pretty limited. I also applied for certification in Indiana, so hopefully I'll get certified pretty quickly.
Even though I didn't get any interviews, I'm not too worried because I felt like I didn't have enough time to apply and do everything I needed to do before I went on those interviews. There were a lot of obstacles I had to tackle before I could mail/hand in applications to different schools (By the way, I owe Caleb and Joe SO much for driving me around for the last two weeks! Thank you both sooo much!).
So let's say I don't come out to Indiana, what will I do? Right now the plan is to go back to New Hampshire and substitute like crazy until I get enough money to get certified; get my foot in the door and network like crazy.
As far as Jake and I? We're at a really good place right now. He's bearing with me through all of this; being there on the hard days (yesterday) and the great days. He's really been there for me these two weeks. This has actually been the longest amount of time we've spent together and yes, we survived (astonishing, right? haha)!
If you've heard my story of how I chose St. Joe's as a college, you know that God was definitely involved. For those of you who don't, basically all my life I was going to go to Keene State College, but when I stepped onto the campus at St. Joe's, God basically told me that I was supposed to be there, and it was the best decision I've made to date.
Why this story? I had a similar experience this time, only the feeling was different. Sure, I've been to Indiana plenty of times, and I've stayed at Jake's house, but the mood wasn't one of a vacation/visit, it was more of a trial run of how life would be like here all the time (especially since Jake didn't take much time off...he's taking a half day today so we can go to the museum of art...the only vacation-y thing we're doing). I really feel like God is calling me here, and the schools that I applied at seem like really great schools to work in; the people, the system; everything.
So all in all, this was a wicked productive and good trip. It just seemed so easy to jump into a routine here.
Throughout the whole trip, I've been applying, copying, and preparing for interviews and getting nowhere. Even though there are more jobs I could apply for down here, it's still pretty limited. I also applied for certification in Indiana, so hopefully I'll get certified pretty quickly.
Even though I didn't get any interviews, I'm not too worried because I felt like I didn't have enough time to apply and do everything I needed to do before I went on those interviews. There were a lot of obstacles I had to tackle before I could mail/hand in applications to different schools (By the way, I owe Caleb and Joe SO much for driving me around for the last two weeks! Thank you both sooo much!).
So let's say I don't come out to Indiana, what will I do? Right now the plan is to go back to New Hampshire and substitute like crazy until I get enough money to get certified; get my foot in the door and network like crazy.
As far as Jake and I? We're at a really good place right now. He's bearing with me through all of this; being there on the hard days (yesterday) and the great days. He's really been there for me these two weeks. This has actually been the longest amount of time we've spent together and yes, we survived (astonishing, right? haha)!
If you've heard my story of how I chose St. Joe's as a college, you know that God was definitely involved. For those of you who don't, basically all my life I was going to go to Keene State College, but when I stepped onto the campus at St. Joe's, God basically told me that I was supposed to be there, and it was the best decision I've made to date.
Why this story? I had a similar experience this time, only the feeling was different. Sure, I've been to Indiana plenty of times, and I've stayed at Jake's house, but the mood wasn't one of a vacation/visit, it was more of a trial run of how life would be like here all the time (especially since Jake didn't take much time off...he's taking a half day today so we can go to the museum of art...the only vacation-y thing we're doing). I really feel like God is calling me here, and the schools that I applied at seem like really great schools to work in; the people, the system; everything.
So all in all, this was a wicked productive and good trip. It just seemed so easy to jump into a routine here.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Senioritis Stress/End of My College Career
I'm a bit stressed out obviously (currently procrastinating, AGAIN, my English research paper, but I have an outline and my research is all done so all I have to do is write it now...), and I don't want to do anything right now.
So much is happening all at once, and I feel that I don't know how to stop it. Everything is due in a matter of a week and a day, and on top of that, I'm GRADUATING in a month. Isn't that nuts?
After I graduate, the question is what will I do when I get out into the real world? Where will I go? I mean, I'm literally almost done, and I don't have a job lined up, I don't know what I'm going to do for the summer, and I'm feeling real insecure about my future.
I just want to be free of all the stresses in my life...all of the worries, the insecurities, the moments where there is absolutely no hope anymore. There are nights where I don't get much sleep because of the constant worrying I do, and I really feel that it's becoming a huge problem, but I can't go and talk to somebody about it (professionally that is) because there's no time!
For some reason, I don't want tomorrow to come...not in a suicidal way, but in a way that I don't want to face reality. I don't want to do ANYTHING for a very long time.
Yes, this is a "woe is me" blog, but I don't want it to feel this way, I really don't...I don't like procrastinating and not getting things done and stressing out, and yet, I repeatedly do it nonstop!
What am I going to do?
So much is happening all at once, and I feel that I don't know how to stop it. Everything is due in a matter of a week and a day, and on top of that, I'm GRADUATING in a month. Isn't that nuts?
After I graduate, the question is what will I do when I get out into the real world? Where will I go? I mean, I'm literally almost done, and I don't have a job lined up, I don't know what I'm going to do for the summer, and I'm feeling real insecure about my future.
I just want to be free of all the stresses in my life...all of the worries, the insecurities, the moments where there is absolutely no hope anymore. There are nights where I don't get much sleep because of the constant worrying I do, and I really feel that it's becoming a huge problem, but I can't go and talk to somebody about it (professionally that is) because there's no time!
For some reason, I don't want tomorrow to come...not in a suicidal way, but in a way that I don't want to face reality. I don't want to do ANYTHING for a very long time.
Yes, this is a "woe is me" blog, but I don't want it to feel this way, I really don't...I don't like procrastinating and not getting things done and stressing out, and yet, I repeatedly do it nonstop!
What am I going to do?
Friday, April 9, 2010
Paper or plastic?
Oh that question is old...although a paper bag inside a plastic one would be better...
Nowadays I just use those cloth ones more often then not
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
My thoughts on my Theology Class
For my last theology class I'm taking Protestant Christianity. Honestly, I chose the class for two reasons. One, it was the only one that could fit into my schedule, and two, I wanted to open myself up a bit and experience what other Christians believe in.
Now, we've just been talking about the Reformation until recently, so it's been Western Civilizations all over again, but it was from a different perspective.
Now, we're really looking into the United States and Christianity. I guess I've always known, but it didn't really occur to me that this country was founded on Protestant beliefs. The Catholics were actually foreign to the country...the country was founded by the Puritans to try and get away from Anglicans and Catholics. I actually can chuckle at that.
I'm finding that the class is based on what I call "New England Protestant" beliefs. What we talk about in class and what we're told we're going to be seeing in the churches around the college (field trips, yay!) is not a lot like what I've experienced when I've gone to church with either Jake or his mother. It just seems like middle ground to me. That and there's something in me that can't bring myself to fully accept the teachings that we're learning about.
I wonder about that. Last Saturday, before I left for my best friend's house, I was talking to Jake's grandmother. She's incredibly wise, and I love her dearly. She made me realize that I didn't have to be just Catholic or just Protestant; I could have both, and that would be okay.
I think that's what I've been trying to do up until this week. I've been trying to look at Catholicism and Protestantism as two different sects that can't be mixed together. The class kind of supports that thinking as well.
All I know is that I want to try and balance my faith, which is based on Catholicism and understand what's going on outside of my faith as well.
At the same time, I just don't think I agree with all of the things that Protestants agree with it seems. All I want to do is integrate some of that into my faith and have everyone okay with it.
Is that bad?
Now, we've just been talking about the Reformation until recently, so it's been Western Civilizations all over again, but it was from a different perspective.
Now, we're really looking into the United States and Christianity. I guess I've always known, but it didn't really occur to me that this country was founded on Protestant beliefs. The Catholics were actually foreign to the country...the country was founded by the Puritans to try and get away from Anglicans and Catholics. I actually can chuckle at that.
I'm finding that the class is based on what I call "New England Protestant" beliefs. What we talk about in class and what we're told we're going to be seeing in the churches around the college (field trips, yay!) is not a lot like what I've experienced when I've gone to church with either Jake or his mother. It just seems like middle ground to me. That and there's something in me that can't bring myself to fully accept the teachings that we're learning about.
I wonder about that. Last Saturday, before I left for my best friend's house, I was talking to Jake's grandmother. She's incredibly wise, and I love her dearly. She made me realize that I didn't have to be just Catholic or just Protestant; I could have both, and that would be okay.
I think that's what I've been trying to do up until this week. I've been trying to look at Catholicism and Protestantism as two different sects that can't be mixed together. The class kind of supports that thinking as well.
All I know is that I want to try and balance my faith, which is based on Catholicism and understand what's going on outside of my faith as well.
At the same time, I just don't think I agree with all of the things that Protestants agree with it seems. All I want to do is integrate some of that into my faith and have everyone okay with it.
Is that bad?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
To Everything, There is a Season...
...and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
~~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
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Today is the start of Lent; Ash Wednesday, and I was thinking about what I was going to do during Lent. I've found what I want to do, but as I was thinking about it, I thought about the fact that I didn't really make any New Year Resolutions. I did this consciously mainly because the Resolutions I make never get accomplished, or at least get accomplished a little, but not to the extent I want them to go.
Back to the moment. It wasn't until college that I figured out Lent is a lot more than repenting for our sins and the sins of the world. For those who don't know (and that's a lot of you out there), as a Catholic, during Lent I have to PRAY, FAST, and GIVE ALMS. In English that means I have to figure out something to pray about or just plain pray more than normal, fast, or give up something that I enjoy but do not need, and give alms, meaning giving something back to those less fortunate. All of this has to be in secret, meaning, I have to look like I'm not in repentance while I'm doing these things.
Now I know what comes to my mind first is that I'm writing a blog about what I'm going to do during Lent, and it sounds a bit hypocritical. However, what I've stated, anyone can go look up on any Catholic site about Lent and read what I just wrote, so I don't think I'm going to get a lightning bolt thrown down at me because I revealed the practices of Lent.
Anyway, I feel that my Lenten Resolutions hold more weight for me because it literally forces me (with a bit of Catholic guilt and a priest on campus) to go through forty days of changes. And usually, these changes stick throughout the rest of the year because I practice it everyday and it's on my mind.
Lent is all about reconciling with God. I'm a sinner, and shouldn't even deserve what He gives me every single day. Because of this, I have to repent. The entry is titled the way it was because everything has a season, that includes repentance and atonement.
Now is just my time; my time to atone and Easter will be a time to rejoice.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
~~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
.JPG)
Today is the start of Lent; Ash Wednesday, and I was thinking about what I was going to do during Lent. I've found what I want to do, but as I was thinking about it, I thought about the fact that I didn't really make any New Year Resolutions. I did this consciously mainly because the Resolutions I make never get accomplished, or at least get accomplished a little, but not to the extent I want them to go.
Back to the moment. It wasn't until college that I figured out Lent is a lot more than repenting for our sins and the sins of the world. For those who don't know (and that's a lot of you out there), as a Catholic, during Lent I have to PRAY, FAST, and GIVE ALMS. In English that means I have to figure out something to pray about or just plain pray more than normal, fast, or give up something that I enjoy but do not need, and give alms, meaning giving something back to those less fortunate. All of this has to be in secret, meaning, I have to look like I'm not in repentance while I'm doing these things.
Now I know what comes to my mind first is that I'm writing a blog about what I'm going to do during Lent, and it sounds a bit hypocritical. However, what I've stated, anyone can go look up on any Catholic site about Lent and read what I just wrote, so I don't think I'm going to get a lightning bolt thrown down at me because I revealed the practices of Lent.
Anyway, I feel that my Lenten Resolutions hold more weight for me because it literally forces me (with a bit of Catholic guilt and a priest on campus) to go through forty days of changes. And usually, these changes stick throughout the rest of the year because I practice it everyday and it's on my mind.
Lent is all about reconciling with God. I'm a sinner, and shouldn't even deserve what He gives me every single day. Because of this, I have to repent. The entry is titled the way it was because everything has a season, that includes repentance and atonement.
Now is just my time; my time to atone and Easter will be a time to rejoice.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Do I REALLY have to stop being polite and start getting "real?"
My last blog, I mentioned in one of the last paragraphs that I was ready for the real world. I'd like to retract that statement a bit. I think what I meant was that I was ready for the IDEA of the real world. The idea of the real world is a lot simpler to deal with than the actual.
It seems, by what I see/hear/read, that the actual real world is incredibly negative; greed, sadness, anger, revenge, envy, the need for power; the list could go on about all the negative things that are in the world. It's literally Social Darwinism; survival of the fittest. What, as young citizens of the United States, have to look forward to? Fights with health care policies that don't make any sense, politically-minded power freaks who only think of themselves, and a job adn house market which is barely getting better. Last year, only TWO of the elementary education graduates got jobs as teachers. The rest are either Ed Techs, or working a Super Save-A-Bunch. And you know what? That just plain sucks.
I've been reviewing some of my friends' lives after college, and out of everyone that I know around my age, only a number counted by one hand have careers. Most of the people are either unemployed, or working at a job that they hate. And they're turning into Grumpy's because of it. They hate the world, they hate their lives, and they hate the fact that they can't control what other people do.
I refuse to look at life as a burden. There's no way I could live with myself if I got myself down. And I'm pissed off because so many people don't feel the way I do. Classroom management would fix everyone's lives, I swear! If you have positive expectations and a positive outlook, but PLAN for things to go wrong, then you'll be happy. Why do people hate life? It's the only one we have, so why not be happy most of the time? Whatever God sends my way, I will be happy about it. That's how it should be.
The real world sucks. Period. We all know this. But why do people have to have a negative outlook about it. Life's not fair. Get used to it. It's not a big deal. Don't waste your time on arguing that fact. Sometimes your ahead of the pack, sometimes your behind. The only person you're really arguing with is yourself. Don't lose the hope that God gives you.
Go to a window and look out to the sky. Look at how bright the day is. Even through clouds there is still light. Um. Look at the significance there. There is light even when it's raining. THERE IS STILL HOPE EVEN WHEN IT'S CLOUDED OVER! Duh.
TO conclude, a little Crazy for You:
I'm chipper all the day, Happy with my lot. How do I get that way?
Look at what I've got: I got rhythm I got music I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?
It seems, by what I see/hear/read, that the actual real world is incredibly negative; greed, sadness, anger, revenge, envy, the need for power; the list could go on about all the negative things that are in the world. It's literally Social Darwinism; survival of the fittest. What, as young citizens of the United States, have to look forward to? Fights with health care policies that don't make any sense, politically-minded power freaks who only think of themselves, and a job adn house market which is barely getting better. Last year, only TWO of the elementary education graduates got jobs as teachers. The rest are either Ed Techs, or working a Super Save-A-Bunch. And you know what? That just plain sucks.
I've been reviewing some of my friends' lives after college, and out of everyone that I know around my age, only a number counted by one hand have careers. Most of the people are either unemployed, or working at a job that they hate. And they're turning into Grumpy's because of it. They hate the world, they hate their lives, and they hate the fact that they can't control what other people do.
I refuse to look at life as a burden. There's no way I could live with myself if I got myself down. And I'm pissed off because so many people don't feel the way I do. Classroom management would fix everyone's lives, I swear! If you have positive expectations and a positive outlook, but PLAN for things to go wrong, then you'll be happy. Why do people hate life? It's the only one we have, so why not be happy most of the time? Whatever God sends my way, I will be happy about it. That's how it should be.
The real world sucks. Period. We all know this. But why do people have to have a negative outlook about it. Life's not fair. Get used to it. It's not a big deal. Don't waste your time on arguing that fact. Sometimes your ahead of the pack, sometimes your behind. The only person you're really arguing with is yourself. Don't lose the hope that God gives you.
Go to a window and look out to the sky. Look at how bright the day is. Even through clouds there is still light. Um. Look at the significance there. There is light even when it's raining. THERE IS STILL HOPE EVEN WHEN IT'S CLOUDED OVER! Duh.
TO conclude, a little Crazy for You:
I'm chipper all the day, Happy with my lot. How do I get that way?
Look at what I've got: I got rhythm I got music I got my man
Who could ask for anything more?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Excitement of Second Semester
So it's been a few weeks into the semester, and yes, I'm foreseeing it'll be a lot of work, but somehow I'm not too worried yet. I know that I'll break down at some point during the semester, but I don't feel it just yet.
I went home for a night over the weekend and brought back my dress for Senior Ball. I absolutely love that dress, and I can't wait until I can wear it again. Hopefully I'll look better than when I went to prom, but either way I'll be happy because Jake will be there.
I received an exciting email on Friday about a certain event happening April 17th. My Pinning Ceremony. I'm extremely excited for it because the Pinning Ceremony has always been my goal after Erin got pinned. I saw the actual ceremony and fell in love with it. Basically I get a pin, I stand with a candle with a card that has the Teacher's Prayer on it, and after I recite it, I'm a teacher. I know, it sounds dumb, but in the moment, everyone's crying.
I suspect I will be included in that "everyone." My mother will be too. This brings me to the sadness of it. The Pinning Ceremony is basically the graduation from the education program at St. Joseph's. After the Pinning Ceremony, I'm a teacher. My undergraduate learning is pretty much over. Formal graduation is graduating with my degree, but the most important part of my undergraduate learning is me becoming a teacher. My college career will be over.
When I graduated high school, my principal, Dr. Jette, quoted something in his speech from a student I was graduating with. He said that this student was blogging about how it was time for her to grow up. That always stuck with me, and I feel like it somehow carried me through college; I grew up and now I'm ready (well, I will be by the end of the semester) for the real world.
So, not to sound full of myself but...is the real world ready for me?
I went home for a night over the weekend and brought back my dress for Senior Ball. I absolutely love that dress, and I can't wait until I can wear it again. Hopefully I'll look better than when I went to prom, but either way I'll be happy because Jake will be there.
I received an exciting email on Friday about a certain event happening April 17th. My Pinning Ceremony. I'm extremely excited for it because the Pinning Ceremony has always been my goal after Erin got pinned. I saw the actual ceremony and fell in love with it. Basically I get a pin, I stand with a candle with a card that has the Teacher's Prayer on it, and after I recite it, I'm a teacher. I know, it sounds dumb, but in the moment, everyone's crying.
I suspect I will be included in that "everyone." My mother will be too. This brings me to the sadness of it. The Pinning Ceremony is basically the graduation from the education program at St. Joseph's. After the Pinning Ceremony, I'm a teacher. My undergraduate learning is pretty much over. Formal graduation is graduating with my degree, but the most important part of my undergraduate learning is me becoming a teacher. My college career will be over.
When I graduated high school, my principal, Dr. Jette, quoted something in his speech from a student I was graduating with. He said that this student was blogging about how it was time for her to grow up. That always stuck with me, and I feel like it somehow carried me through college; I grew up and now I'm ready (well, I will be by the end of the semester) for the real world.
So, not to sound full of myself but...is the real world ready for me?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Post-Student Teaching/Second Semester Senioritis
Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't been posting at all. It was the busiest and hardest semester I have ever had, but it was also the best. Things were rocky all the way through, and I figured that I'd write down sort of what I could call a "final reflection."
I loved my class. I call it my class because they really were, for a month, my students. The only problem I felt was that the classroom I was in wasn't really mine, and I couldn't do the things that I wanted to do.
The technical stuff that I was worried about before was, in fact, challenging, but at the same time, after I had gotten through the biggest part of it, it was a breeze as long as I remembered everything I needed to do that day and plan for it.
I received an A for my student teaching and I'm on the Dean's List for the seventh time.
Now senioritis is setting in and I don't feel like doing anything. It seems like all I think about is, "when can I do this?" or "What time is practice?" or "When can I sing next?" I'm not really thinking about anything in particular to finding a job or getting any work done.
Nothing really, is going on right now. Just plugging away at school.
EDIT: Okay, I was looking at my post before last semester started, and forgot that I had set some goals. Let's see if I achieved them, shall we?
First goal: Create an iMovie or whatever's on a PC, that shows my work with the students.
Okay, so I couldn't do an iMovie. But that wasn't my fault, and now that I know more, I could see that would've been work that I didn't need to do.
Second goal: Mrs. Malnati has a website for her classroom, and she hasn't done a lot with it, so I want to take it over and put updates and (with parent permission) put photos of the students showing off their work.
I didn't take over the website because of the new district policy, but Mrs. Malnati and I both worked on it together, so I consider that goal accomplished as it could be.
Third goal: I want to use the different stuff I have for bulletin board making and really create good-looking boards.
My bulletin boards were really creative and I loved doing them!
Fourth goal: One of my assignments for student teaching is to do reflections every night. I also want to put my reflections on another blog for preservice teachers to see what student teaching is like. Maybe Dr. Rey (hopefully) will count those future blog entries as actual reflections...or part of them anyway.
Couldn't do the blog. It didn't work out because it was too personal. But I consider this goal half accomplished because I can still give my advice to all the preservice teachers at SJC.
I loved my class. I call it my class because they really were, for a month, my students. The only problem I felt was that the classroom I was in wasn't really mine, and I couldn't do the things that I wanted to do.
The technical stuff that I was worried about before was, in fact, challenging, but at the same time, after I had gotten through the biggest part of it, it was a breeze as long as I remembered everything I needed to do that day and plan for it.
I received an A for my student teaching and I'm on the Dean's List for the seventh time.
Now senioritis is setting in and I don't feel like doing anything. It seems like all I think about is, "when can I do this?" or "What time is practice?" or "When can I sing next?" I'm not really thinking about anything in particular to finding a job or getting any work done.
Nothing really, is going on right now. Just plugging away at school.
EDIT: Okay, I was looking at my post before last semester started, and forgot that I had set some goals. Let's see if I achieved them, shall we?
First goal: Create an iMovie or whatever's on a PC, that shows my work with the students.
Okay, so I couldn't do an iMovie. But that wasn't my fault, and now that I know more, I could see that would've been work that I didn't need to do.
Second goal: Mrs. Malnati has a website for her classroom, and she hasn't done a lot with it, so I want to take it over and put updates and (with parent permission) put photos of the students showing off their work.
I didn't take over the website because of the new district policy, but Mrs. Malnati and I both worked on it together, so I consider that goal accomplished as it could be.
Third goal: I want to use the different stuff I have for bulletin board making and really create good-looking boards.
My bulletin boards were really creative and I loved doing them!
Fourth goal: One of my assignments for student teaching is to do reflections every night. I also want to put my reflections on another blog for preservice teachers to see what student teaching is like. Maybe Dr. Rey (hopefully) will count those future blog entries as actual reflections...or part of them anyway.
Couldn't do the blog. It didn't work out because it was too personal. But I consider this goal half accomplished because I can still give my advice to all the preservice teachers at SJC.
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