Did I just grow up????

*Sighs* Okay. So quite a bit just happened in a matter of less than a week; so much that I'm still trying to process. Let's start from my last entry shall we?

So I went out to Indiana for that break that I needed, and boy did I need that month-long break. Honestly, it was one of the best and (partly) worst trips I've had.

It was the best because I was with Jake most nights and I learned a lot about his daily routine. I would be home when Jake got home, and I could cook for him and his family (proving to myself and the people around me that I was an amazing cook). I got to hang out with one of his best friends, Joe, and I could give his brother some great college advice (I still miss college, trust me). Jake and I spent some good, quality time with each other, and it gave us (or just me, I don't know about him) some insight on how life would be like if we lived with each other. It felt great.

It was the worst because when Jake and Joe were at work (his brother just did his own thing during the day), I was left alone to face why I left New Hampshire in the first place. At first, being alone was fine, but after I got bored, there was nothing else to do but to face the emotional issues I was going through.

The truth is, I don't like transition periods in my life; middle school was Hell (literally), the first two years of college was crazy (getting used to college/grandmother getting sick and passing), and after I graduated, I didn't know what to do with myself. I literally just sat around trying to get my head around the fact that I couldn't formally go back to school anymore.

Have you ever thought of that? All of us college graduates have been in school since kindergarten, which means AT LEAST 17 out of 22 years of our lives. When it comes down to it, that's about 153 months (assuming you spent 9 months a year), six hours a day in a school, learning to read, write, add, and subtract. Imagine (well, you don't have to imagine if you went through it) that you didn't have grades anymore, and if you didn't do a great job or work your butt off for one simple thing, you can't take that back. That's a really heavy weight to carry. If I screw up this job (come on, you came to this blog from Facebook. You know I have a job now.) there's no redo; I get a warning and then I get let go if I don't do a good job. That's a HUGE responsibility.

I hate change; no, more than that. I loathe, detest, and every other synonym that means "hate" change. It absolutely stinks. This summer I really had to deal with that; and deal with rejection. BIG rejection.

So all of this is going on in my head as I'm sleeping, getting bored watching TV, not wanting to leave the central air; AND I'm PMSing on top of that. What did I do?

I cried like a baby; almost every time I was alone.

Fast forward a bit: Let's just say a bit of retail therapy funded my most amazing, wonderful boyfriend, and some church did me good. I got over it. A little.

Something that I took away from the trip was that I wasn't trusting in God, or I wasn't trusting enough; I would pray for a job or a way to pay my bills, but I wouldn't believe that He would deliver that job or way to pay bills when I needed it. When I got back (and I swear, this is all true), I did the same thing until I relaxed a little bit (knowing that I could substitute at Merrimack Valley). All the while, I tried SO hard to trust in God. Once I relaxed, that trusting worked. I started to feel better, knowing that I was somewhat covered (although I knew that substituting wouldn't be enough). Then, the day my mother went up to her "start of the year" workshop, something I hadn't expected happened.

There was a paraprofessional position that opened up unexpectedly; and that she mentioned me to her principal. At first I was thinking that it's kind of weird that my MOTHER got me a job at her school, but her/our principal looked at my portfolio and was really impressed with it. I mean, REALLY impressed. She gave me a choice of two jobs, and I took what I thought would be a good fit for me to start out.

Now those of you who are not familiar with teacher confidentiality, it's basically common sense; you wouldn't want everyone to know that your child has a behavior problem and throws chairs at teachers, right? It's no one's business but the people involved in your child's learning and you. That's the same for what I do. I can't tell you much, but I can tell you that I will be doing LOTS of lesson planning/teaching, and for that I'm wicked excited.


Now for the REALLY unexpected news. The day after I knew I had the job in Cornish, I applied for a weekend position at Imagination Village in Concord. I interviewed, and she absolutely loved me!!! I start training this weekend. I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world, and I'm giving God many thanks for both of the jobs. Even though I'm celebrating on the inside, SO many people are unemployed, and a bunch of those are teachers, and I actually feel guilty for celebrating too much. I do want to say that God got me through all of it, and even if you don't believe me, at least I can admit that to myself. There's no way I could have done this alone.

So wait a minute; did I just grow up? What if I don't want to? What if I just pretend that I grew up? Yeah. That sounds better.