I really feel the need to blog, and I came up with doing a Top Ten list, but I don't want it to feel like a facebook status, so I'm going to elaborate the list a bit.
Oh, and by the way, I'm listening to my "Sleep" playlist, and at the moment the song is "All At Sea" by Jamie Cullum. Can I just say that this song is really one of the theme songs of my life. No, I take that back; it's not really a theme song to my life. It's more of what I want to be a theme song to my life. The song is about just leaving the world behind and just sitting by the sea, and needing to "disappear within your mind" as the song says. OOH it changed to "Home to Me" by Josh Kelley. Sorry Jamie, Josh kind of takes precedent over you.
You are probably wondering what my Top Ten list will be about, and to be honest, it will probably be the first ten different things that come to my brain. Also, I think it'll turn out to be more of who I think I am at this point in my life. HO-KAY, so ve go....
1. My favorite musical is Wicked. No. It's not because I live in New England; it's not because Idina Menzel won a Tony for her role (just in case you were wondering, I would do something crazy like spend $3,000 for just a chance to meet her). The story is really well done, the music is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, and the ending is definitely not a 'happily ever after' however it is fantastically done. There was an interview that Idina gave where she said that she felt a lot of what Elphaba felt, and she played her the way Elphie felt that day; whether she felt beautiful or if she felt like the ugliest "terror." Maybe that doesn't make sense; she said it more eloquently than I did. Anyway, I love the character of Elphie, and my heart tugs whenever life pulls her down.
2. I am extremely lucky to have two wonderful parents who love me unconditionally. They have supported me through my over dramatic outbursts, and I am 378% grateful for them. I think subconsciously I've known this all my life, and I never really went through a huge rebellious stage in my life. Hell, I balled my eyes out when they left me at college (and even now there's a ball in my throat thinking about it). We have a very deep connection to each other, and I think that's why I'm so afraid of the day I will lose them. No offense to anyone out there, but I haven't seen a connection like ours anywhere else. I love them so much.
3. My favorite song, according to iTunes, is Never Think by Robert Pattinson. Yes. I'm that girl.
(Song changed to "I Saw You" by Josh Kelley)
4. I miss driving to Raymond from St. Joe's. Those mornings were pure awesomeness in a normal day-to-day routine. If I couldn't find a good song on Q97.9, or Coast 93.1...there was an amazing Christian radio station that would play (get ready for this) two commercials an hour. Taking the shortcut (because the bridge was out) behind Wal-Mart and by Timmy Ho's (WHY IS IT GONE!?)....pure happiness. OH and Glee nights/movie nights; nights when I didn't have to worry about evil things like bills and the real world (MTV is SO off, I hate them.). I miss Maine.
5. One of my many dreams is to go see Vatican City. Maybe meet the Pope. Have him hear my confession (not even a long shot I know, but still wouldn't that be FANTASTIC!?). Ya know. But seriously, just to see St. Peter's would be amazing; it really would.
(Song changed to "Landing in London" by 3 Doors Down)
6. Going with the dream theme (hehe), I wanna be a billionaire so friggin' bad: give some money to the Church, give money to the people who need it, buy a better house for my parents, pay off my student loans, see a bit of the world, buy a good house for a family and live happily ever after. I honestly wouldn't be spending it left and right for myself; I'd give it all away...well...at least it wouldn't go to waste. Every cent would go to something that was worthy.
**A little side note about #7...I have two kinds of angry: the angry that I have when I can deal with the anger just by talking about it, and the angry that I don't know is anger until I've been crying for three weeks and thinking it's just PMS. Here's an example of each**
(Song changed to "Fields of Gold" by Eva Cassidy)
7. I'm realizing more and more these days that I'm a lot angrier than I used to be. It's like I'm a little kid again; like I'm not getting my way. My job isn't perfect by any means; it's actually pretty sucky, but I'm not going to get into why for the sheer fact that it pisses me off SO much that I can't talk about it without yelling and/or crying. I'm also angry about the fact that I would like to see my boyfriend more than twice a year. It's not his fault, and he knows that (I would hope he does). I am mad at the situation. It's no secret that he and I are practically married already, and I understand that neither of us are financially ready to settle down. But seriously? It really sucks that we can't be together. No....doesn't really suck...it totally blows. And I'm angry about it. Totally and completely irate, livid and every other synonym that means angry.
("Walk Right In" by Josh Kelley)
8. Forgiveness will set you free. To me, forgiveness is not only just "getting over" something that was done wrongly, but also starting over with that person; beginning a new chapter in your friendship or any other type of relationship. It really helps my students if they hear me say "I forgive you" after they apologize. I think it's important for kids to hear that. My mom said it to me whenever I said I was sorry for something, and it made me feel better, and I knew that she still loved me. There are, however, times when forgiveness doesn't fix the problem, and there are consequences to bring things back to normal. An example would be: Sam, one of my students, refuses to do any more work on his project and as I explain that he agreed ten minutes ago (when he started) that he would do the work, then throws a ball at my face, the consequence is getting sent to the office and getting suspended for the next day because he hurt a teacher. He apologizes to me and I forgive him. Does that take the consequence away? No. **The events are true. Names are fictional.
9. I miss Feeney Players. I want to sing and act on stage again. If I wasn't so busy with work and I actually HAD time to audition for the Community Players, I would sooooooo do it in a New York minute.
("Iko Iko" by Dixie Cups...makes me want to dance...okay, that lasted as long as I wrote the number 10, so it's not "Close Your Eyes" by Westlife...gosh this song is making me teary right now.)
10. The last thing I would like to say is that even though this time in my life may feel so long, I know that my life will change for the better soon. I have to know that; I don't think I could go through life thinking that it's bad forever. One of the things I took from my classroom management class is "positive and high expectations" for students, and for yourself. That's what I need to focus on; doing that may be a little trickier.
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